My Fault

Lately my neck has been hurting.

I thought that maybe it was the stresses of my life,

The lack of money pulling down on my shoulders

The death of a loved one gripping me tight

The guilt of hurting someone pulling on my spine

I cried about that, but I don’t deserve to.

Only today did I notice a line.

A dark, thin crease that drapes across my neck,

and sits upon it like a yolk.

A line in the shape of a burden

A chain wrapped around my throat.

Lately my neck has been hurting.

And in sympathy my heart has too,

It’s hard when I have to admit

that the cause is usually you.

“It’s not”

I say to my myself

It’s my fault, my fault, my fault.

It’s not my fault,

My therapist tells me

yes I see a therapist and she tells me it’s not my fault.

But then what is mine?

My neck feels like it belongs to you,

And no I don’t mean you you,

I mean you.

Everyone I’ve never said no to.

But I should stop wearing this chain.

(published 2021)