A Letter To You

A nearness closer than the breath in my lungs, a brain holding more that can it can share, and lips still familiar with the words I needed to hear, we were more compatible than two married people. Having a girl best friend is so much easier in opposition to a guy, and no discredit to Corban, but he will never, be Melissa. I so often find myself having to withhold information because some things I know I can’t share with him, and I miss her a lot sometimes. I can’t snuggle with him, and I can’t be pantsless around him. There’s a lot I can’t do nowadays. Anything, and everything. There was absolutely nothing that I felt I had to hold back. I miss sleepovers! I miss shamelessness, openness, and midnight swims. And even though a void has been filled I still feel her absence; Not to say that anyone could ever take Corbans place, he’s not a position to be filled, but the same is true for Melissa, even though we have lost touch. I can’t wait till I have a girl I can trust like that again, because that takes some time to grow. With Melissa, it all started with styrofoam, I was sitting on the fence shredding it when she and her grandfather walked by and introduced themselves, it was simple, and while relationships take work, I can look back and confidently say that this time, it didn’t. Being friends with her was second nature, and talking to her was as easy as breathing. Sneaking over the wall to go console her, or just the opposite, didn’t require a second glance, because that’s just what we did, we cared for each other and we appreciated what we had. But things change, and people grow. 8th grade for me, and 9th for her is when I can really say I recall the first time we slipped away. She was dressing differently and when I’d hop the fence to go see her I’d often find myself just walking past, as she was keeping other company these days. I felt like it was something I had done, like if I didn’t tighten my grip that she would slip through my fingers. Now at the time I didn’t really realize that this is just what happens and doesn’t mean that she hates me, or thinks I’m suddenly to young to be friends with. And I apologize for how strange I became towards the end, as I now see that my methods were counter productive. The clear communication we once had, had dissipated and had become a muddy pool filled with footprints of accusations and misread situations. Melissa, I now realize that this messy event that I blamed you for, is called growing up, and only means that we had a natural progression through life. So thank you for being a friend worth missing, for sparking a passion for many of the things i now devote myself to, and for giving me memories that can’t be recreated, forgotten, or discredited; Thank you for reintroducing me to Corban, as he has been an amazing best friend and you would be proud on how far we have both come as individual people, but also as a pair in our friendship. Know that I often reflect on our friendship and that when I’m sitting on the roof, I still look over to see if you’re looking too. And though you might not know the full extent of my experience leading up to the loss of our friendship, know this, that even though you’ve lost touch, you haven’t, and will have never, lost a best friend.

​names have been changed to protect the innocent ​(published 2017)